NEW YEAR. NEW PERSPECTIVE.
So a new year is FINALLY HERE...
Most people including myself would say it came too soon but we are all kind of happy to see 2016 go at the same time! 2016 seemed to be a struggle for almost everyone. A lot of emotions gone haywire due to mercury in retrograde and seemingly going backwards in time with all the unfair deaths of men in the minority community. Which in return brought about a lot of fights/protest/confusion and showed us ALL more vividly than ever thanks to technology that unfortunately not much has really changed when it comes to equality in America. There were also many deaths in the world of entertainment and an unbelievable and basically bizarre turn of events in the presidential elections win (MAY GOD BLESS US ALL WITH WHAT IS TO COME WITH THAT)...2016 just seemed to be pure chaos for many people, myself included.
Within that chaos great strengths were born. Awareness arrived whether you were ready for it or not. Most people were forced to come alive in a way that may not have been there before. While for others, within the chaos, a complete smack in the face was unleashed, a wake-up call to put some new actions into place.
My 2016 was an unusual year. Mostly because I made quite a few transitions in my work field. I literally changed jobs 3 times this year. The first two times I had no absolute new job in placement. But, fortunately enough for me, I had a new job within a week on both accounts. Looking back at it I am still shocked I made such decisions but it was important for me to trust myself, trust what I felt. I simply made a choice that this is what I want, I’m not going to settle for anything that I feel is either not worth my time, effort and know-how and I’m not a person who is comfortable being the only person in my workplace doing my job either. Which honestly, I recently have really taken time to look at and seriously have become to understand and realize that everybody is not willing to put in the same amount of time, effort and just extra shit at work like I am. Not everybody lives by my rules and standards...but I most definitely don't wish to be surrounded by people all day who are okay with doing the bare minimum, if that, you know. Within that I also came to realize even more so than I ever have that me and those people are not really that different at all. I always end up putting my all into my job(s) and leave myself on the back burner...so basically we're the same, we just choose to put our focus on opposite paths.
I also dealt with many people seemingly "coming out of the woodworks", if you will. The "I MISS YOU" texts, the random "HEY" check-ins and running into people I have not seen in years. Now there are so many levels of conversation I could get into on that but looking back on it and even in those moments I realized, "I must be finding a new strength and/or about to unleash a break thru to a new level in my life soon" because when people start showing up that’s usually the case, for me personally. When I’m good, when I’m growing, when I’m building, when I’m developing into a better version of myself and letting go of things and people who no longer serve me and/or are not good additions to my personal growth…that’s when people show up.
The test never fails to challenge who you are, where you are going and how far you have come.
Although not perfectly (and to be clear that is never my goal because there is no learning in perfection)…I MADE IT!!! I made it through all the test and it literally wasn’t until I sit here and write this post that I really had to sit back and allow myself to take a moment to be in awe of what I have done thus far with my levels of growth throughout the years, especially this 2016. By nature, I am a complete need to know, planner who is very disciplined in how I carry things out. At that same time, I am an artsy open-minded soul and a “chronic over-understander” when it comes to people. Which never really allows me to feel one way or another…that bit in itself is a whole blog entry or two plus a video on its own which I’m sure we will get to sometime in this new year…but when you over-understand when dealing with people, at least in my case, it’s like taking on the feelings of other people and not being able to really settle into your own. Which is strangely exhausting in a whole different light that can weigh upon you like darkness because you’re not really existing within yourself but rather carrying around large fragments of other people’s energy.
But in the end I am a CREATOR and for me that is what I realized I was doing this year…creating. Creating these transitions that would ultimately put me back in touch with who I am, instead of living to be of service to other people in a manner that feels one-sided. To constantly pour from my cup of life and not have it replenished in the same light is utterly thee most life draining thing in existence for me. But I have this constant need to help, be there, be available and over do what is asked of me because in short that’s who I am. Problem is, I just have to learn to place and lucidly focus on putting that same energy I give willingly to others not only onto myself but also into the things I want to do. And I’m not going lie here, it’s not easy for me at all. And I think this is something a lot of people struggle with especially when you have a good soul. But nothing worth the time is supposed to be easy, right?
It is the reason I started this blog. I want to share my let go and my let go is basically the shedding off of all the layers I have built upon me. The layers of other people’s energy, mindsets and weight that I ALLOWED myself to take a hold of and become a part of me. Notice I said ALLOWED because no one can place anything upon you for the most part unless you allow them too. I will share my experiences, my thoughts, my ideas, my goals, the things I am working on whether it be on myself or creatively, things I discover/love, etc. I will peel back the layers, step out of the cage I have built around myself and reveal KOVEN.
Within all of that, it is basically about allowing myself space and time to focus on me, things I both want and don’t, etc. And in that I hope to build a space where you will feel comfortable enough to do the same. Cause in the end, the act of being there and helping is great but nothing is worth losing yourself. And the best way to be of help and service to the world and each other is to first take care of yourself. To allow yourself to shine in your own greatness because whatever your greatness is it will always be something that provides a light, a service and a place of comfort to another!
2017 = 10 = 1 sooooo THIS IS THE YEAR TO BE #1!!! Let this be a year of rebirth and one of the greatest ways to do that is to let go, trust the universe and allow your greatness to be revealed!!!!
CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET ???
"Most of my life I have secretly felt like I needed a hero...
never really realizing I AM already one.."
Save Yourself x Let Go,